Perspective of an Autistic

Sometimes, as time goes ticking by
I wait for someone to see me
Don’t get me wrong, people see me
Just not the way I feel.
I don’t really wish to talk to anyone,
I just wish I could talk with someone
I live my life just as any other would do
But my home seems to be unoccupied.
The little girl you see sitting in the corner
Lines her popsicle sticks in rows
And sometimes appears to ignore the fact that you have brought her something
She’s just not aware that you are at her side
A the picnic, she slops the sauce all over the table,
“Why” you wonder, “How does a butterfly cause her to lose control?”
The movies lead to passers-by staring
For the five year old covers her eyes
The light is so bright
And holds her hears because its too loud
Her mother cries behind closed doors
Her little girl isn’t like the child she dreamed of having
Her daughter won’t even bake with her
“Please don’t cry mommy, the mittens just hurt my hands too much.”
“I’ll help you stir” your little girl screams and cries
Socks and shoes traumatize her, so barefoot you take her out the door to ease her pain
People stare back at you “ That parent has no control over her child”,
I want to speak “Please please be kind to my mommy, you don’t understand”,
You’re walking through a grocery store, once again she blocked the aisle
Throwing her body down to the ground because she wants to feel the cold floor
She hides between the clothes racks and blankets in the mall
Once again the clerks as you to leave
The parade causes too much movement
This time moving her fingers in front of her eyes and making a screeching sound
“Why, Oh Lord” the mother asks, “do you leave her heart like this?”
I dream that my daughter can fly high in the sky
I wish she could eat carrots and apples like her brother, but she gags
She views the world in a different way
“I can’t go into her eyes and see what the world looks like to her” says the mother
She catches a bubble and screams
She even hugs the construction man she doesn’t know
Because he is wearing a good feeling coat
Her memory so sensitive she can repeat whole movies after seeing them only once
“My dear child, how can I show you that I love you so very much?”
“Dear Lord,” the mother says “I no longer ask why you let her be this way.
Instead, I now know that you picked her to be my little lamb.
Thank you Jesus for giving her to me!”

Wonderful weekend!

Well, this was definitely a fabulous weekend. I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend at a retailer's event this weekend. I met some wonderful people and made some great new friends. I loved hanging out with Julie Comstock and Lindsay Moore from Cosmo Cricket; Erin and Laura from Glitz Design, Lance from Rusty Pickle and Janelle from 7 gypsies. They were fun to hang out with and their classes were great. Didn't get NEARLY enough time to finish all our projects, but they were fun.

Gonna post my projects as soon as I get photos taken of em, but for now I'm off! TTYL!

Trust

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you" (Isaiah 26:3 & 4).

I am so frustrated right now. For the past month I have been dealing with situations at my daughter's school. She has been mistreated (which she is used to and it rolls off her back). The problem is we have been working with the teacher and the teacher's aide to help us solve the problem, but they are missing the mark on this one. It doesn't matter what the students do to Kiana, somehow it ends up being her fault and she has to apologize for it. I know she has retaliated in the past and we have dealt with that. I know she sometimes lies, but we've dealt with that too. I know my daughter isn't perfect, but since when should she apologize for girls in school calling her a bitch. Her teacher's aide went so far as to ask her "are you sure you're telling me the truth?" before Kiana actually got to tell her what actually happened. The other two girls got their stories straight and Kiana was made to apologize for thinking they called her "bitch" instead of "witch".

I posted this verse this morning, because I need to make that my prayer right now. I want this situation to get better without me having to go into school and start yelling at staff. My dh is going in today to talk to them about this situation for the 4th time in a month. I need to trust that God is going to take care of this and help me find the strength and the right way to deal with it. Please pray for us as we deal with this situation and that Kiana's teacher's aide learns how to deal with Kiana correctly and realizes that it isn't ALWAYS Kiana's fault.

Chris is going in this morning - I'll let ya know how it turns out!

For Today

Outside my window... is a cold dark morning
I am thinking... how wonderful it is not to be working today
From the learning rooms... I am learning how to deal with Kiana in a way that will be productive and not cause a meltdown of volcanic proportions
I am thankful for... my husband, who spoiled me immensly this weekend
From the kitchen... I am having coffee with a smidge of Cappucino flavoured whipping cream
I am wearing... sweats and a tshirt
I am reading... Scattered Minds - A New Look at the Origins and Healing of ADD
I am hoping... that I will get some new ideas on how to deal with my darling child
I am creating... layouts for my kids scrapbooks
I am hearing... background noise from the tv
Around the house... little bit to tidying today
One of my favorite things... coffee in the early morning before anyone else is up
A few plans for the rest of the week... getting ready for Memories Wholesale event
Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

For Today

Outside my window... it is foggy
I am thinking... how the weekend is far too short
From the learning rooms... God is teaching me to talk less and listen more
I am thankful for...life
From the kitchen... sounds of hubby making breakfast
I am wearing... black jeans and a red shirt
I am reading... Girls of Riyadh
I am hoping... for a positive week with my students
I am creating... layouts for my niece's album
I am hearing... the conversations of my children
One of my favorite things... reading on the corner of my couch
A few plans for the rest of the week... birthday party for my daughter's best friend
Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

The Answer to Hostility

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

Before Christmas, I hung out with a great group of scrapbooking girls. We hung out all the time and had alot of fun. Then there were angry words and friendships have been destroyed, possibly permanently. I want to be a person of substance, I don't want to be angry and bitter, so I stepped away from a few of those relationships. It is so hard when they try to suck you into a fight and become very confrontational.

God really spoke to me in His word this morning. This is the verse that he gave me and I feel at peace. My nasty words will make things worse - and what kind of witness is that for the Father? I will continue to pray for them and hopefully their hearts will change. Until then, I will surround myself with people who love me and are healthy people to be around. God will take care of the rest.

For today,

Lord, restore to me the joy of your salvation" (Psalm 51:12)

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... it's only -5 today - what a beautiful day

I am thinking... about history being made in the U.S. this week

I am thankful for... a family of love and support
From the learning rooms... Set your hearts on things above, not on earthly things
From the kitchen... my refrigerator is broken and I am waiting for the repairman
I am wearing... my favourite white sweater
I am creating... some layouts for a DT call
I am going... to work
I am reading... my Bible
I am hoping... my meeting with my principal goes well today
I am hearing... my kids chattering
Around the house... everyone is getting ready for a new week
One of my favorite things... sleeping
A few plans for the rest of the week: seeing a movie with a friend and getting my kids Disney albums finished
Here is picture thought I am sharing... I love my kids school picture this year

Canada's Justice System SUCKS!!!!!

I'm sorry - I know I probably sound like a child, but that's how I feel right about now. Criminals need to be punished for their crimes and in Canada you get to kill someone and then walk away - almost!

In 2005 my cousin Shawna was involved in a car accident. The guy that hit them had a suspended license, he stole a car and then proceeded to drive it (stoned and drunk) into my cousin and 3 of her friends. He killed one of her friends and injured everyone else in the vehicle. And a sentence of dangerous driving causing death and 3 counts of dangerous driving causing bodily harm got him 18 months in jail.

I am so angry!!! How is that fair? And after all is said and done, this guy's girlfriend turns around and threatens my cousin with her life. Are you kidding me? This is our justice system - doesn't that just make you proud?

Another day

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

Back to the regular grind

So, here we are - its January 5th and time to get back to real life. Getting out of bed at 7 a.m. was EXTREMELY difficult today after 2 weeks of sleeping until 9. Some days I really dislike going back to reality. But, I guess the bills need to be paid.


FOR TODAY January 5

Outside my window... the weather has warmed up and the car is being warmed up
I am thinking... how little I want to go to work and how much I want to go back to bed
I am thankful for... my health
From the learning rooms... how to depend more on God's strength and less on my own
From the kitchen... I am getting my lunch ready for work
I am wearing... jeans and a sweater
I am creating... my kids Disney albums
I am going... back to work today
I am reading... my Bible right now
I am hoping... that a friend's boyfriend recovers from pneumonia
I am hearing... my son singing
Around the house... is the buzz of routine starting again
One of my favorite things... my hot coffee
A few plans for the rest of the week... starting to work out again
Here is picture thought I am sharing... a great photo of a silly friend




















So, you saw my last post about my word for 2009. I was wondering - do you have a word? Did you make a resolution? I'd love to know what it is.



Have a good day!

A New Year

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

I have spent the last couple of days contemplating 2008 and looking toward 2009. What do I want for 2009, what really matters to me? I decided that I want my word of the year this year to be "conviction". Conviction is a fixed or firm belief. Conviction is also the state of being found or proved guilty. This year is about both .

I have been convicted - over and over again and I still continue to dishonor Him and behave in a way that proves me guilty. This year is a year about HIM. I want my life to show my conviction in HIM rather than about what I have done. I want this year to mean something - if I die tomorrow, what will my legacy be? I want my life to be a legacy in which people say they were better off because they knew me - THE REAL ME! I want my life to be a legacy that says they knew HIM because they knew me.

I have decided to focus less on this life and more on the life that is to come!

CONVICTION

Happy New Year!

Wow, our Christmas was busy and quiet all at the same time. We had a wonderful holiday with the kids and enjoyed lots of family time. We all got spoiled by Santa all around and spent lots of time playing all our new Wii games as well as the new PS3 that my dh got. I also started working on my kids' Disney albums - figured that since I am home, I might as well do as much scrappin as I can before I need to get back to work. I hope you all have a fun and safe New Year's Eve and I look forward to seeing and chatting with you in the New Year.

WOW, it has been forever

since I have been here! Life has been crazy! Work, Christmas parties, baking, preparing food for Christmas parties, Christmas concerts, Christmas cards, parent teacher meetings - my life is insane. But I figured that it was time to check in.

It has been really busy but fun the last few weeks. My dh is getting really excited for Christmas this year - I think its the first time since we've been married that he's not been ho hum about it. It helps that he did ALL the Christmas shopping this year - what a guy.

We finally got snow out here too - its been snowing pretty steady for the last couple of days and this weekend the cold is finally gonna hit. It's been pretty warm so far, but this weekend we are supposed to get down to -24. BRRRRRR!

Anyway, I just wanted to check in and say hello and hope that somebody is still reading this - it has been awhile after all. Love to you all - off to check your blogs out now myself!

FIRST ADVENT - The Candle of HOPE

May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Next to Christmas, Advent is my favourite time of year! The preparation for the holidays and the reminder of the birth of my Saviour is so special to my family. I love the candle of HOPE because that's a great way to start a new year -with hope.

Last week was an ugly week for me - but a ray of hope shone through. Hope of the strength to get through, hope of friendships that are stronger and deeper than I could have imiagined and a hope that the Father is taking care of me.

Thank you to my dear friends Marguerite, Kelsey and Ki for showing and giving me hope! Your friendship is amazing to me!

Love to you all!

The Simple Woman's Day Book

Check out The Simple Woman's Day Book. I love it!

FOR TODAY November 18, 2009...

Outside my window... it is dark and chilly today.
I am thinking...of how little I really want to go to work today - I want to crawl back into bed.
I am thankful for...coffee at this time of morning
From the learning rooms...I am doing alot of autism reading and getting programs ready for school
From the kitchen...busy making lunches today
I am wearing...shorts and a tshirt - haven't gotten dressed yet
I am creating...a 12x12 calendar for my mom
I am going...to work in a few hours
I am reading...Heart and Soul by Maeve Binchy
I am hoping...to have a much better day today
I am hearing...the news
Around the house...everyone is still sleeping - no one is stirring yet
One of my favorite things...the quiet of the early morning
A few plans for the rest of the week: finishing my calendar, doing a mini album for my new niece
Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Good Monday Morning

How was your weekend? I hope it was relaxing for you. Mine was quite busy. I enjoyed watching the Edmonton Eskimos get beat by the Montreal Alouettes on Saturday morning. Then I spent most of Saturday trying to get my house cleaned up and then my vacuum cleaner gave up. So, I didn't get all my cleaning done and had to go out and buy a new vacuum cleaner. Yesterday I spent most of my evening getting work done for school. The school I am working at is great, but its a new special needs program, so I am helping to put the programming together. Needless to say that I have to work few hours a night so that things are ready for the morning so that we can work with these kids. I love my job but I can't wait until everything is finally in place and we can just work with the kids.

I haven't done this in awhile so I thot today I wanted to get back to doing this again. Here are my Monday 7:

1. I love my job. Alot of people can't say that. Not only do I love my job, I have a great boss who is very supportive, understanding and laid back. I love that I enjoy going to work every day. I am so grateful that I have such a wonderful place to work.
2. There are days that I would rather pull my hair from my head and my nails from my fingers than deal with the issues of my children. But most days, I love autism and what it has done for my family. I am grateful to have 2 of the most amazing kids in the world!
3. I am so grateful that it is +2 degrees outside, we have no snow and it is already November 17.
4. I am excited about the fact that Christmas is only 37 days away - the Christmas season is always an exciting time in our house.
5. I am soooooooo grateful that my Christmas shopping is done and that I can truly enjoy the holiday.
6. I am so grateful for my daughter's sense of humour - she is a real card. On Saturday my husband was singing in the car on the way to see the doctor for an ear infection and my daughter asked my husband to stop singing. Chris said "But Kiana, I thought you loved my singing" and she replied "I do daddy, but I have an ear infection and my ears need to rest."
7. Every man's work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself. I am grateful for scrapbooking!

Hope you have a wonderful week!

For fun!

Saw this on a friend's blog and thot I'd do it too:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland /world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo.
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michaelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasm
a65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicoptor
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Lest We Forget

Whether you believe in it or not, I hope that you spend at least a moment today remembering those whose lives were lost so that we could have the freedoms we so richly enjoy. Whether it was in WWI or II, Korea, Europe or today in Afghanistan, I am so grateful for the sacrifice made by the millions of men and women for my freedom.

Thank you Paul and the millions of others past, present and future who sacrifice everything they have and are for the rest of us.

Good morning!

How are you doing today?! Well, life is finally back to normal here - its like were were never even gone! Chris and the kids are back at school and I started back to work yesterday. I really lucked out. I got called for a job interview for a junior high school last week Thursday and Friday they hired me. And its permanent, so I will be there for awhile! I am VERY excited to know that I am going to be at the same place long term. Makes me feel a little more secure that's for sure. I enjoy the students and the staff are a wonderful group of people to work with.

I am getting our Disney photos printed so hopefully I will be able to start on the Disney albums for me and the kids. Hopefully by the weekend I will have something to show you.

Outside my Window...is a dark, clear morning
I am thinking...a hundred and one jumbled up thoughts
From the learning rooms...ASL for communication purposes
I am thankful for...a God that that takes care of me even when I am so busy with life that I don't take care of myself or take time for him
From the kitchen...a wonderful hot cup of coffee
I am wearing...black jeans and a red wool sweater
I am reading...Heart and Soul by Maeve Binchy
I am hoping...to reach someone who I am having difficulty communicating with
I am creating...Disney layouts
I am hearing...sounds of lunches being made and kids getting ready for school
Around the house...Christmas presents that need wrapping and finishing ones that are being made
One of my favorite things...a glass of wine at night with my dh
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...getting my house in order, having a sleepover with dd's girlfriend and hopefully catching up on a good movie
Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...
I love this photo of the ocean - its so strong and peaceful at the same time - I love the way the
ocean makes me feel!